She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
