Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Green mimosas i think yes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
