this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
