I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
