there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
