I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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