im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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