Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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