dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
