All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
