Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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