Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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