she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
