My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
