Life is so much better after having sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
