You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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