it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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