Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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