I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
