forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
