my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
