You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
