he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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