I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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