i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
