Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
