Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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