I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
