my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize