the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
