I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize