I wanna bring you to show and tell
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
