You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
