found the other keg... it's in the tree
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
