you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
