I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
