i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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