You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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