I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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