The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
