Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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