even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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