The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
