Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
