It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
