so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
