You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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