dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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