I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
