why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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