is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Someone signed my nipple.
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