So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We left the knife in your bed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I just sharted jello shots
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
