Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
