Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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