I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
