on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
