You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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