I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
