wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
