i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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