Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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